The other day, I had to go to Samu’s school to collect her books and uniform. I came home by 10:30am. The moment, I enter the house, I ask Samu, if she has had her breakfast. She nods her head and says yes. I ask her what she had, to which she replies matki usal and chapatti.
I am happy that she has had her breakfast, without any fuss and get back to my work. Later that day, my mother-in-law, tells me something that completely shakes me up. Samu had not had her breakfast; she only had some biscuits and her usual cup of Bournvita. I was speechless; my 6-year old had lied. My initial reaction was to shout at her, ask her why she lied; however, this kind of reaction would just invite more problems.
 |
| Google Images |
This instance took me to my childhood times, when I had lied to my biological mom. I had eaten a chewing gum and my attempts to hide the wrapper from her were futile. The moment she discovered the truth, she locked me in the bathroom for four hours. On top of this, she even switched of the lights. I was afraid of dark, and needless to say, this event, aggravated my phobia. I was just 7 years then, I cried, I screamed, the whole neighborhood could hear it, however Amma couldn’t or rather she chose to overhear those cries.
Coming back to the current situation, I was confused as to why Samu would tell a lie. She already was scared to face me; I could sense that from her lowered eyes. It was just a small lie, however, as a parent, I was angry and hurt. Instead of shouting or spanking, I chose to be quiet. I left the room. After about 15 minutes, I heard a knock at my bedroom door. I knew it was Samu. I asked her to come in.
“Mum-ma, I am sorry, aap mujhe shout karoge, agar breakfast nahi khaya toh. Isliye, maine jhoot bola. Sorry”, she said. (Mumma, you will shout, if I had said, I didn’t have breakfast, that’s why I lied)
I took her in my arms, and replied, “Haan, main chillati, magar Samu, ab toh mum-ma upset aur sad ho gayi na. Aap promise karo, aap mum-ma ko hamesha sachi baat bologe. Aap kuch galat karo, thik hai, magar jhoot bolo, who thik nahi hain”
(Yes, mum-ma, would have shouted, but now mum-ma is upset and sad. You promise that you would not lie to me. You make mistakes its ok, but never lie)
She smiled and promised never to lie.
 |
| Google Images |
I know that with time, she would break this promise and there would be situations, wherein she would lie. And I also know that she would lie, to avoid punishment, to hide something or to even avoid hurting me.
 |
| Google Images |
We all have some point of our lives, held the crutches of lies in some form or the other. That never made us a bad person. As parents we need to recognize that children will lie, it’s just their way to get something from you or to avoid a particular situation. We need to be mindful, in the way we respond to that lie. We need to bring out the consequences of lying and the effect it has on relationships, instead of just shouting and venting out our anger on the child. Let the child know that you trust them completely. Role-plays and stories also assist in explaining this to children.
Have you faced such a situation? If yes, what was your approach?
Gayatri, you have dwelt upon a very sensitive topic, Lies. My doctor had told me around the age of 5 years, a child starts to lie. He/she may not mean may realise it but an instant yes or no is uttered when they actually have to say it the other way. Thus a lie is born. But the parents have to handle it in a very matured way.
ReplyDelete